Autism and Butt Wiping: Making it Easier (And Cleaner)
So, you’ve embarked on the long journey of potty training your child, and things have been going well. Your child has fewer accidents, and they can express when they have to go to the bathroom. But now, as they are gaining more and more bathroom independence, you come to a seemingly impossible roadblock…wiping. How can you possibly teach your child to wipe themselves properly without making a huge mess?
Why Butt Wiping is a Challenge for Kids with Autism
There are a handful of reasons why boys and girls on the spectrum struggle with wiping themselves. For some kids, it’s a sensory issue. The feel of toilet paper is extremely overwhelming to them, so they will avoid wiping themselves at all costs. For other children, they’ve gotten used to someone else doing it for them and don’t want to change. Whatever the reason, when the time comes for your son or daughter to learn to wipe by themselves, it can be challenging for you as a parent.
With my son Curtis, it felt like an eternity before he could poop by himself without needing my help. However, after a lot of experimenting and patience, I was able to help him learn to wipe his butt on his own. I want to share with you some of the things that I wish I would’ve known when I was potty training him. These eight tips should make learning to wipe a lot easier and cleaner for you and your child.
Tip #1 Use Baby Wipes
Ok, now that you’ve got your child in the habit of making it to the bathroom and using the toilet, it’s time to start teaching them to wipe. First, you’re going to need to purchase either toilet paper or baby wipes. In my experience, wipes are the best place to start. They are softer, do a much better job of cleaning, and aren’t as overwhelming from a sensory standpoint as toilet paper.
When first introducing wipes, it’s important to make it clear that wipes go in the trash and not the toilet. Flushed wipes can back up your plumbing. Trust me, the last thing you need when potty training a child is an overflowing toilet.
Remember that while baby wipes are great for use at home, you should eventually show your child how to use toilet paper as well. Outside of the house, not every bathroom will have baby wipes readily available. So if you can train your son or daughter to use both, it will help to take away some of their anxiety about using the bathroom and prevent future accidents.
Tip #2 Stick to Your Guns
Trust me, teaching an autistic kid to wipe themselves is no walk in the park. Your patience will be tested. But no matter how much your child kicks and screams, you have to stick to your guns. They need to understand that wiping is not optional. Don’t let them leave their bathroom until their bottom is clean.
Tip # 3 Practice Outside of the Bathroom
It may sound strange, but the best place to introduce butt wiping might not be in the bathroom but instead in the kitchen!
No, I’m not saying that your child should literally try wiping their butt in the kitchen, but there is a great activity that many parents are using to teach their children the right way to hold the toilet paper to avoid making a mess in the bathroom. All you need is a bowl, peanut butter, and some baby wipes.
The activity is simple. Put a half spoonful of peanut butter into the bottom of a large bowl and spread it around a little. Then, explain to your child that they need to use wipes to get all of the peanut butter out of the bowl without getting any on their hands. When the bowl is clean, they are done, and you can reward them with a treat.
Explain that they need to hold the wipes or toilet paper in the same way when they wipe themselves in the bathroom. It may seem a little silly, but this basic exercise can help your child visualize the correct way to wipe, preventing messy situations like fecal smearing.
Tip #4 Use Positive Reinforcement
A little motivation goes a long way when toilet training a child with ASD. So when your son or daughter does a good job in the bathroom, don’t hold back on giving them the praise they deserve. If they feel good about themselves after leaving the bathroom, naturally, they will learn to repeat the process.
When I was teaching Curtis to wipe himself, he responded well to being rewarded with treats. Whenever he used the bathroom and wiped himself, I would give him a piece of candy or allow him some extra time watching his favorite show. Instead of being afraid to use the bathroom, he learned to look forward to it, knowing he would get a treat afterward.
Tip # 5 Start Early
Please, please, please don’t wait to train your child to use the bathroom on their own. The longer you put off teaching them good bathroom habits, the harder it will be to undo the bad ones.
As soon as your child can communicate to you that they need to go poop, you should begin to introduce the idea of wiping. Starting early will help your son or daughter understand that wiping themselves is a normal part of daily life.
Tip #6 Prepare for Accidents
While you’re going to be in the bathroom with your child when they are learning to wipe, at some point, you’re going to have to let them do it on their own. So be prepared for the occasional accident. Don’t expect them to wipe perfectly every time. There will be messes, but stay calm and try not to show any frustration. Kids pick up on how you react to things like this and may learn to see it as a way to “get back at you” when they’re upset. If you need to let your emotions out, do it in a private setting, away from your child.
Tip #7 Get a Bidet
Some autistic kids with sensory issues have an aversion to toilet paper. They just can’t stand the way that it looks and feels, let alone wipe their bottom with it. If this is the case with your child, installing a bidet maybe your best option. It’s a win-win for both you and your child. They don’t have to use toilet paper, and you get peace of mind knowing that they’ll leave the bathroom with a clean bottom.
If you don’t have the space or the budget to install a full stand-alone bidet, I suggest checking out a bidet toilet seat. These seats are relatively inexpensive and can be installed with basic hand tools.
Tip #8 Change up Your Tactics
There is no right or wrong way to potty train your child, so you might have to play around with different methods until you find what works best for your child. If you need some fresh ideas, check out our #autismarmy Facebook page. The creative parents of the group are constantly finding new ways to overcome obstacles related to potty training autistic kids and are more than willing to share their knowledge and experience with you.
Training Takes Time…But it’s Worth it
Teaching your autistic child to wipe themselves isn’t something you can do overnight. It may take months or even years before they can completely do it on their own. So don’t get discouraged if it seems like the process is taking longer than it should. With patience and persistence, it will happen. I promise you, all of the time and effort that you put into training your son or daughter will be well worth it.
