Puberty is difficult for parents of neurotypical children. You know what that means: it’s going to be even harder for you. Puberty can be a confusing time for a parent and even more for your child with autism. 

We hope to take away some of the mystery and frustration associated with puberty and autism so that your family can attain a more normal life. The changes can be dramatic and new behaviors can arise. It’s best to prepare yourself and your child before puberty hits if at all possible. If it’s already too late, you need this guide even more.

The Physical and Emotional Changes of Puberty

Physical changes and, to much extent, emotional changes, are largely the same between children with ASD and neurotypical kids.

You will see all the same physical changes such as increased sweat production and sexual drive, growth-spurts,  and underarm and pubic hair for both sexes. For girls, breasts will begin to develop and they will start their period. For boys, wet dreams and enlarging penis will begin to happen. 

These are all changes associated with both autistic as well as neurotypical children.

When it comes to the emotional changes of puberty, however, there are quite a few differences. The factors that cause the emotional changes are the same (i.e. hormone surges,) but children with autism may have a much harder time processing all these new hormones and desires than neurotypical children.

Neurotypical children will undoubtedly experience mood swings and aggression during puberty, but an autistic individual may have larger meltdowns. Many new undesirable behaviors may also emerge.

The next section will dive deeper into that.

How Will Puberty Affect My Child With Autism Differently?

Although there are many similarities in the ways that puberty affects your children compared to a neurotypical child, there are very notable differences that require your attention.

Here is a list of some new behaviors that you are likely to face depending on your child.

• Stripping clothes in public

Many autistic children have this behavior even before entering into puberty. If that’s the case, the behavior may arise again or become more severe during puberty. Their genitals are becoming an even more important piece of their body as they go through puberty and their desire to reveal their body will likely increase.

• Public Masturbation

As their sexual desire increases in a normal way, masturbation is very likely to become an issue for both boys and girls. Although masturbation is generally considered to be normal behavior, doing so in public can be a serious problem for your family and can be difficult to mitigate. Even if you can keep them from doing it in public, it can also be difficult to keep them from doing it excessively or inside your home in non-private areas. 

You can overcome this issue by strictly adhering to a “privacy policy” for your kids. We will discuss privacy education more in the next subheading.

• Obsessive romantic interest

This behavior is more likely to develop in higher-functioning children with a lower level of autism. They will begin to have feelings for the opposite sex and they can start to obsess (as they do on other topics of interest). This can cause them to be perceived as more than just “awkward” in school, but “creepy,” and can seriously hurt their self-esteem.

The biggest struggle with children with autism who form romantic interests is that they have difficulty reading social “cues” from the person they are interested in. You can help them to understand this by outlining some cues for them to look out for. Here is an example that’s adapted from this resource from Amaze.org.

Interested	Uninterested
Giving strong eye contact Leaning closer to you during the conversation The other person initiating conversations Smiling a lot Laughing at your jokes	Looking away Turning away Moving away Looking unhappy Folding arms Not responding to you

• Mood swings and aggression

As mentioned earlier, mood swings and aggression are normal for even neurotypical children. When it comes to autism, though, it can seem uncontrolled and is more likely to result in physical injury when it occurs. This can especially be an issue for older parents and caretakers as their children become bigger and stronger during puberty.

• Asking sensitive questions at inappropriate moments

You’re at a family dinner for a holiday and enjoying yourself when suddenly your son asks you something like “Why is my penis hard?” It can be a cause for some seriously awkward encounters. Since children with autism have a hard time recognizing what is socially acceptable and what isn’t, this is not an unlikely scenario. You might be able to mitigate this issue by having a standard response that they understand like: “That’s a great question, let’s talk about it when we get home, please remind me!”

• Beware an increase of seizures

This study done on 183 children with autism found that there was a significant risk for an increase of seizures during puberty with children who were classified as “totally autistic” as opposed to “partially autistic”. The classification between “totally” and “partially” seems a little strange to me. Nonetheless, if your child has more severe autism it is likely that they will have an increase of seizures during puberty.

How to Prepare Your Child For Puberty

• Let them know how they will feel and what will change physically

This is our biggest suggestion when it comes to preparing your child for puberty. They need to understand all the changes that they will undergo and the feelings that they might have. 

For your daughter, getting her first period can be traumatizing if she doesn’t know what it is and why it is happening. The same holds true for neurotypical girls, but even more so for autistic girls. Make sure that she knows well ahead of time before it happens and that it is normal and healthy for her body.

For your boys, you should explain spontaneous erections and wet dreams right out the gate. You might want to hold off on the talk about masturbation until he begins to do it.

A spontaneous erection can be uncomfortable, embarrassing, and even scary if they don’t know that it is normal.

For children who have had an issue wetting their beds, a wet dream may frighten them that they will get in trouble for wetting the bed. You should explain that they will not be punished for having a wet dream and that it is normal for them during this stage in life.

• Use visual supports

You can show your child of pictures of yourself at different stages of life to help them understand what happens during puberty and how they will change. They may notice that you are taller and have more hair. You can also explain to them that you needed to take showers more often and that the same things that happened to you are happening to them.

Another option is to use a series of drawings of a body that outline the changes that will be happening to their body. This can be used as a reference for them if they are thinking about the topic again.

• Teach them about privacy

Understanding the concept of privacy when it comes to their private areas can be especially difficult for children with autism. If at all possible, you should be teaching them about privacy from a young age. If they are used to walking around the house naked after a diaper change or a shower, it might become more difficult during puberty.

I like to refer to teaching your child about privacy as their very own “privacy policy.” You can outline strictly to them what things are absolutely private and must remain private. It is necessary to explain to them that their genitals should not be seen by anyone but their parents and doctor and that masturbation should be done in private areas. Remember to explain to them that a private area isn’t necessarily somewhere that they are alone, but a designated “private place” such as their bedroom or the bathroom. This can help you avoid some confusion if they mistake the living room or kitchen when nobody is home as a private place

• Be careful about your terminology 

If your child tends to take things literally, telling them that their voice will start to “break” might worry them. Instead, try saying that their voice is “changing” or “getting deeper.”

Also, it would be good to fill them in on the technical and everyday words used for private body parts. For example, they should know that both “boobs” and “breasts” refer to the same thing, and that when other people tell them that their voice is “breaking” they really mean that it is getting deeper or changing. 

You might need to be careful about your use of language, particularly if your child takes things literally. For example, if you describe your son’s voice as ‘breaking’, your child might find this worrying. Instead, you could say something like, ‘Your voice is changing and will get deeper’. You could also explain that men’s voices are usually deeper than women’s. Your child’s father’s voice, or his older brother’s, could be good examples.

Giving your child both the formal terms and the everyday words for body parts might be useful – for example, ‘boobs’ refer to breasts. Or people talk about a voice ‘breaking’ when they mean a voice getting deeper.

Support Your Child’s Hygiene

Puberty is an essential time to teach your children good hygiene. They will begin to sweat more, and you know what that means: stinky armpits and pubic areas. 

• Shaving

Shaving can be difficult and scary for children of both sexes. For girls, it is usually a little bit easier since the only place that they would want to shave is typically their armpits and for some, their legs. For boys, it can be a much larger struggle since they have to bring an electric shaver with all of its loud buzzing up to their face.

Some parents have found it helpful to allow their child to get used to an electric shaver before it is necessary. This way their first shave can be less scary. Allow them to hold it while it is on and even practice touching it to their face.

For some children, their parents or caregivers may have to be the ones who shave them for their entire lives. Even still, they should be encouraged to be as independent as possible. Try giving them the shaver first and allowing them to try their best while you go in after them and clean it up.

• Feminine Products

Teaching your girls to use pads during their periods and proper hygiene associated with feminine care should be done before puberty strikes. This helps you find any difficulties that might arise that could be associated with using pads. Your girl might find some pads uncomfortable and remove them during the day. Knowing that before puberty would be invaluable. 

• Deodorant and Showering

It goes without saying (although I will say it all day long,) your kids will be much — much — stinkier during puberty. One of my kids absolutely needed to shower each and every day very early into puberty, and even that wasn’t enough. Finding an effective deodorant that your child likes and can learn to apply themselves would be nice to find before puberty. There are many different kinds of deodorant. Try spray, liquid, and dry deodorants until you find what suits them best.

You Can Conquer Puberty With Your Children With ASD

Getting through puberty with your kids can be hard — maybe even harder than when you went through it the first time! With the right resources and helping hands, you can get through it! 

Connect with us in our Facebook group #autismarmy to get even more helpful suggestions from our members.