How to Handle Aggression During Puberty in Autism

At some point, all of our kids develop some bad habits. There’s no getting around that. So the earlier you can recognize and start to deal with these naughty behaviors, the better. But just when you think you have everything under control, along comes puberty, and suddenly all that progress you made seems to go right down the drain. Believe me. I know exactly how frustrating it can be. So as a parent, how are you supposed to deal with all of the behavioral changes that come along with puberty?

*Just as a note, this article is based on the experiences I’ve had with my autistic son. So it will focus primarily on boys, but the tips I have apply to girls going through puberty as well.

Here come the Hormones

Oh, the joys of hormones. They really do some weird things to the body. Hormones cause body hair to sprout, funky odors to emerge, and certain parts to … ahem… “enlarge.” But aside from all of the physical changes, hormones can have a huge effect on a child’s behavior and aggression levels. But why? Well, there are two basic reasons.

One, during puberty, testosterone production kicks into high gear. Testosterone is one of the body’s stress hormones,” so your son may subconsciously go into “fight or flight mode at random times throughout the day.

Two, all of these changes can be confusing, exciting, or even scary for a kid with autism. This is because their brains are missing the pieces that allow them to process what is happening to their bodies. I remember on one occasion, my son was in the bathroom and started yelling for my help. When I went in and asked him what was wrong, he said: “I have hair, and it won’t come off!” The poor thing was trying to pull his pubic hair off. He didn’t want it to grow there. So we had to have a chat with him about all the changes his body was going to start going through.

With all these raging hormones and confusing emotions, it’s unavoidable that your son is going to lash out, physically and sexually. 

Sexual Aggression in Autism

At one point or another, all kids become infatuated with the new urges and sensations that come along with becoming a grownup. However, since kids on the spectrum have trouble understanding social cues, they might develop the tendency to explore these new sensations In inappropriate ways and inappropriate places.

When tackling this issue, it’s important to be balanced. They need to know that these feelings and urges they’re experiencing are totally normal and are nothing to be afraid of. However, at the same time, they should understand that their private parts are personal and not something to be played with in public.

Here are a couple of things that I found especially helpful when my son was going through puberty; maybe they can help your child too as they enter puberty.

Change Up their Outfits 

When our son went through puberty, we gave him the privacy he needed, but he developed a strange habit at one point. He would take any clothes he could find and stuff them into his pants. Clean clothes, dirty clothes, clothes in the drier, you name it, if he could get his hands on them, they were going down the front of his pants. This was a new behavior for me — and not a good one. It was getting harder and harder to keep an eye on him, especially when he was at school. 

So I finally came up with the idea to change up the clothes he wore to school. We would dress him in jumpsuits (the same kind that my dad used to wear when he worked on cars.) This new outfit made it much harder for him to shove things in his pants, plus he had his own super cool uniform to wear to school. 

If your son or daughter has similar habits, changing up their wardrobe might be a great way to keep their sexual urges under control.

Educate them

For pubescent kids with autism, teaching them about privacy is absolutely essential. They need to know how close to let people into their lives. We’ve shared a program with our clients in the past called: Circles: Intimacy and Relationships. The system uses a target-shaped circle with six rings, each indicating the appropriate level of trust and intimacy your child should have with an individual. The farther away an individual is from the center of the circle, the more space they should be given. Circles is an awesome teaching tool, and I happily recommend it to all parents trying to educate their kids about privacy.

Physical Aggression in Autism

As your child begins to grow into their adult body, they are going to get physically bigger and stronger, which is fine until they start to get aggressive. The kicking and hitting that was annoying when they were a little kid now pose a real danger to your family’s safety.

It breaks my heart that so many parents are genuinely terrified of their autistic kids. There are horror stories out there of moms and dads getting beat up, concussed, or even hospitalized by an aggressive autistic child.

Naturally, kids going through puberty get moodier, going from happy and smiley to angry and violent almost instantly. This unpredictability can be tough to understand and handle as a parent, leaving you with bruises and scars from a sudden outburst coming seemingly out of nowhere. So what can you do to control an aggressive autistic teenager?

Address the Problem Early

I can’t stress this point enough. The longer you wait to address physically aggressive behavior, the more dangerous the situation will become, and the harder it will be to get their temper back under control.

As soon as your child begins puberty, you should start planning how you will handle tantrums and potential violent behavior. 

One of the best ways to prepare for the mood swings and aggression that come with puberty is to have a conversation with your child’s behavioral therapist. They are familiar with the ways your child thinks and acts in different circumstances and can help you create a plan that will work well for your family.

Increase their Exercise and Physical Activities

With all that pent-up energy, it’s no wonder that hormonal autistic teenagers lash out. So why not give them a healthy way to release some of that energy. 

The experts at Harvard Medical School suggest that just 15 minutes of exercise can be a serious mood booster and even help to prevent depression and anxiety. So if possible, set a goal of at least 15 minutes of physical activity for your son or daughter each day. Not only will a little exercise help to balance out their mood, but as an added bonus, it can help to take their mind off their newfound sexual urges. 

Remain Calm, or at Least Try to 

You can’t fight fire with fire. Trust me. It’s not easy to keep your cool when your kid is smacking you in the face. But maintaining a mild temper when your son or daughter is in a “mood” can go a long way in terms of neutralizing an aggressive situation. 

The last thing you want is to aggravate your child more than they already are. So when giving them discipline, try to be firm without getting angry. Set clear rules beforehand, and when those rules are broken, don’t waver in enforcing them. Remember, never yell or use harsh words with your son or daughter; it will only escalate the situation and can lead to further violence.

Use Physical Restraint as a Last Resort Only

If physically restraining your child is the absolute only way to control their aggressive outbursts, please talk to your child’s pediatrician or behavioral therapist right away. Physical restraint can be stressful and can cause severe physical and emotional harm to you and your child. Positive behavioral tactics should always be the preferred method of controlling an overly aggressive child, so if you need help, please, please ask for it. 

Puberty: a Crazy Time for You and Your Child

I hope reading about the experiences I had with my son has given you some ideas to implement with your kids as they go through the “joys of puberty.” However, please remember that every kid is different, so just because these methods worked for me doesn’t mean they will work for you and your child. So if you have questions about the best way to manage your son or daughter’s sexual and physical aggression, talk to their doctor.

Puberty is a crazy time for both you as a parent and your child as they grow into adulthood. You’re going to have some ups and downs, but with some creativity, patience, and maybe a few bandaids here and there, you’ll get through it, and you might even have fun along the way.