How to Handle Aggression in Autistic Toddlers

You are fully aware that size does not matter if you’re a toddler parent. These tiny humans can have more spice, sass, flare, and, sadly, aggression than most adults. Toddlers can give the sweetest cuddles one minute, do a total 180, and give out the loudest scream the next!

Don’t get me wrong, I loved seeing my kid’s personalities come out during their toddler years, but it wasn’t always a walk in the park. 

Toddlers are at the stage of development where their minds are learning new ways of communicating with the world, but it can be frustrating for them at times. 

For example, a toddler with autism may already struggle to express themselves. In turn, many situations can lead them to use aggressive behaviors, like hitting and throwing temper tantrums, to communicate. 

Sadly, these tiny humans can direct aggressive behavior towards themselves and others, including parents, siblings, and friends. As a parent, it’s not an easy situation to deal with or see.

So, when these aggressive behaviors come, and boy do they come, how can you handle it? How can you overcome it? Better yet, what can you do to encourage good behavior?

We all have unique circumstances and kids with different personalities. Still, through years of trial and error, a few basic rules have helped me handle and overcome aggression in autistic toddlers. 

Behavior Modification Plans

Our children’s behavior starts with us. Understand that it will be hard at times, but consistency is key. Make a plan and stick with it. 

Overcoming aggression from your autistic toddler requires preparation and commitment from the whole family. I’ve even had members in my house sign contracts, so I know they are fully committed to this! It might get loud, it might get raw, but in the end, everyone will benefit.

Over the years, I have written up many personalized Behavior Modification Plans. But, of course, the first step to improving behavior is always understanding your child. Thankfully, you already know your toddler better than anyone else. You are fully aware of their likes, dislikes, what bothers them, what scares them, what agitates them, and so on. This basis will equip you with knowing the best way to help them.

Behavioral Modification plans involve a few different parts; let’s get into the details.

Undesirable Behaviors 

Undesirable behaviors are any behavior that becomes a problem. They tend to trigger aggression and other negative behaviors. 

I’m going to ask you now to get out your pen and paper (or open a notetaking app) and make a couple of lists. With your child in mind, make a list of their undesirable behaviors. If you have more than one child you want to create a plan for, then make one list for each child.

I made a personal example with one of my kids in mind:

1. Bedwetting
2. Taking hours to get ready for school
3. Bedtime issues
4. Picky eating
5. Grooming, showering, toothbrushing
6. Negative behaviors at school

Remember, these are negative behaviors that are currently an issue for one specific child. Of course, we aren’t going to tackle them all overnight, but now we have a basis.

Desirable reinforcements

Desirable reinforcements are also personal to a specific child. These involve anything your toddler likes and are used as a reward system. 

With your toddler in mind, make another list now of desirable reinforcements that appeal to them.

Here’s my list of desirable reinforcements with the same child in mind:

1. Night light on while going to sleep
2. Hershey kisses
3. iPad time
4. Treat from the treasure box
5. Movie night with popcorn and soda

We have different rewards or treats to turn to when we want to reinforce positive behavior. Maybe you have heard the saying, “A punishment must match the crime.” Obviously, we are not dealing with criminals, but the principle stays the same. 

We don’t want to go above and beyond on discipline for small things. But the same is true vice versa. I’ll give you an example. 

The worst bad behavior of them all to me is biting and scratching. So these behaviors must have the harshest consequences of all. For example, no TV or games. The reason why I call them the harshest is because everyone in the household is affected by them. 

If one child is unhappy, the behaviors will disrupt everyone until bedtime. So in a way, the child with the bad behavior wants to make sure that if they aren’t having fun, no one else is either. 

Flat Rules

Whether you consciously know it or not, all families have a set of Flat Rules, rules that all members in the house know and are expected to follow. Of course, they change a bit from family to family, but it might include some of these examples:

• Eating is only allowed at the table, not in bedrooms or the car.
• No jumping on the furniture.
• Wash your hands before coming to the table.
• Put your shoes away when you get inside.

Hopefully, you were thinking about your own Flat Rules while reading the example list. So take a moment to jot down a new list of your family’s current Flat Rules.

These are important because they never change. Kids can receive reminders of these rules, but they always depend on the consistency of these basic Flat Rules. 

New Rules

Now, the most important rule of them all. Don’t make up new rules as you go along! 

Let me show you an example. Your toddler hits their sibling for the first time, so, naturally, you say, “Don’t hit your sister! Now you can’t use your iPad today!”

You might be thinking, “Um, ok? That seems like a logical way to respond to bad behavior,” and you’re right! There seems to be nothing wrong with this form of discipline. But, consider this. As humans, we don’t work that way. We need to know the rule and the consequence straight off the bat. 

Even God gave Adam and Eve rules AND let them know the consequences of going against that rule before they ever did anything wrong. 

So, make a rule and let them know the discipline. Suppose you want to create a new rule. You have to let the first offense go and then make it a rule for next time. Of course, this process takes communication between you and your toddler.

Yes Means Yes, No Means No

Make your yes mean yes and your no, no, no matter how tired you are. 

Yes, means yes. If your toddler earned the reward of going to the park for good behavior, but you are exhausted after a full day of being Super Mom, grab yourself a coffee and go to the park. Follow through! If you don’t want to commit to the park, then make a new reward for next time, one that’s easy for you to follow through with. 

No means no. If you already told your child no, stay strong and keep it a no. By giving in once, they know that if they pester and bug you enough next time, you will give in. 

You Can Do It! 

Now you have the basics of your plan. Each week focus on a new behavior to tackle. Until then, I need you to master the following:

1. Understand your child
2. Make a list of all undesirable behaviors (and I mean ALL of them, down to being afraid of the dark)
3. Make a list of desirable reinforcements
4. Make your Flat Rules known 
5. Don’t make up new rules on the fly
6. Make your yes mean yes and no, no

Once you have these basics down, you are ready to start dealing with specific bad behaviors on your toddler’s list. Whether it’s a long or short list, don’t get ahead of yourself or overwhelmed with the work in front of you. Instead, take it one behavior at a time. 

FYI. If bedwetting is on your toddler’s undesirable behavior list, I always tackle bedwetting as the last undesirable behavior, only because emotions and/or medications could be causing it. 

Don’t Be Ashamed to Ask For Help

Keep in mind that these notes are a general outline of dealing with aggression in autistic toddlers. It’s hard to write a complete guide since each child and family is different. In any case, let me know if you are actively dealing with a specific type of aggression from your toddler or child with autism and need help! 

We often share the same battles, but we all have unique experiences and challenges. Join our #Autismarmy on Facebook and let us know how you have tackled aggression in autism, or leave a comment here on our blog.

How to Handle Aggression During Puberty in Autism

At some point, all of our kids develop some bad habits. There’s no getting around that. So the earlier you can recognize and start to deal with these naughty behaviors, the better. But just when you think you have everything under control, along comes puberty, and suddenly all that progress you made seems to go right down the drain. Believe me. I know exactly how frustrating it can be. So as a parent, how are you supposed to deal with all of the behavioral changes that come along with puberty?

*Just as a note, this article is based on the experiences I’ve had with my autistic son. So it will focus primarily on boys, but the tips I have apply to girls going through puberty as well.

Here come the Hormones

Oh, the joys of hormones. They really do some weird things to the body. Hormones cause body hair to sprout, funky odors to emerge, and certain parts to … ahem… “enlarge.” But aside from all of the physical changes, hormones can have a huge effect on a child’s behavior and aggression levels. But why? Well, there are two basic reasons.

One, during puberty, testosterone production kicks into high gear. Testosterone is one of the body’s stress hormones,” so your son may subconsciously go into “fight or flight mode at random times throughout the day.

Two, all of these changes can be confusing, exciting, or even scary for a kid with autism. This is because their brains are missing the pieces that allow them to process what is happening to their bodies. I remember on one occasion, my son was in the bathroom and started yelling for my help. When I went in and asked him what was wrong, he said: “I have hair, and it won’t come off!” The poor thing was trying to pull his pubic hair off. He didn’t want it to grow there. So we had to have a chat with him about all the changes his body was going to start going through.

With all these raging hormones and confusing emotions, it’s unavoidable that your son is going to lash out, physically and sexually. 

Sexual Aggression in Autism

At one point or another, all kids become infatuated with the new urges and sensations that come along with becoming a grownup. However, since kids on the spectrum have trouble understanding social cues, they might develop the tendency to explore these new sensations In inappropriate ways and inappropriate places.

When tackling this issue, it’s important to be balanced. They need to know that these feelings and urges they’re experiencing are totally normal and are nothing to be afraid of. However, at the same time, they should understand that their private parts are personal and not something to be played with in public.

Here are a couple of things that I found especially helpful when my son was going through puberty; maybe they can help your child too as they enter puberty.

Change Up their Outfits 

When our son went through puberty, we gave him the privacy he needed, but he developed a strange habit at one point. He would take any clothes he could find and stuff them into his pants. Clean clothes, dirty clothes, clothes in the drier, you name it, if he could get his hands on them, they were going down the front of his pants. This was a new behavior for me — and not a good one. It was getting harder and harder to keep an eye on him, especially when he was at school. 

So I finally came up with the idea to change up the clothes he wore to school. We would dress him in jumpsuits (the same kind that my dad used to wear when he worked on cars.) This new outfit made it much harder for him to shove things in his pants, plus he had his own super cool uniform to wear to school. 

If your son or daughter has similar habits, changing up their wardrobe might be a great way to keep their sexual urges under control.

Educate them

For pubescent kids with autism, teaching them about privacy is absolutely essential. They need to know how close to let people into their lives. We’ve shared a program with our clients in the past called: Circles: Intimacy and Relationships. The system uses a target-shaped circle with six rings, each indicating the appropriate level of trust and intimacy your child should have with an individual. The farther away an individual is from the center of the circle, the more space they should be given. Circles is an awesome teaching tool, and I happily recommend it to all parents trying to educate their kids about privacy.

Physical Aggression in Autism

As your child begins to grow into their adult body, they are going to get physically bigger and stronger, which is fine until they start to get aggressive. The kicking and hitting that was annoying when they were a little kid now pose a real danger to your family’s safety.

It breaks my heart that so many parents are genuinely terrified of their autistic kids. There are horror stories out there of moms and dads getting beat up, concussed, or even hospitalized by an aggressive autistic child.

Naturally, kids going through puberty get moodier, going from happy and smiley to angry and violent almost instantly. This unpredictability can be tough to understand and handle as a parent, leaving you with bruises and scars from a sudden outburst coming seemingly out of nowhere. So what can you do to control an aggressive autistic teenager?

Address the Problem Early

I can’t stress this point enough. The longer you wait to address physically aggressive behavior, the more dangerous the situation will become, and the harder it will be to get their temper back under control.

As soon as your child begins puberty, you should start planning how you will handle tantrums and potential violent behavior. 

One of the best ways to prepare for the mood swings and aggression that come with puberty is to have a conversation with your child’s behavioral therapist. They are familiar with the ways your child thinks and acts in different circumstances and can help you create a plan that will work well for your family.

Increase their Exercise and Physical Activities

With all that pent-up energy, it’s no wonder that hormonal autistic teenagers lash out. So why not give them a healthy way to release some of that energy. 

The experts at Harvard Medical School suggest that just 15 minutes of exercise can be a serious mood booster and even help to prevent depression and anxiety. So if possible, set a goal of at least 15 minutes of physical activity for your son or daughter each day. Not only will a little exercise help to balance out their mood, but as an added bonus, it can help to take their mind off their newfound sexual urges. 

Remain Calm, or at Least Try to 

You can’t fight fire with fire. Trust me. It’s not easy to keep your cool when your kid is smacking you in the face. But maintaining a mild temper when your son or daughter is in a “mood” can go a long way in terms of neutralizing an aggressive situation. 

The last thing you want is to aggravate your child more than they already are. So when giving them discipline, try to be firm without getting angry. Set clear rules beforehand, and when those rules are broken, don’t waver in enforcing them. Remember, never yell or use harsh words with your son or daughter; it will only escalate the situation and can lead to further violence.

Use Physical Restraint as a Last Resort Only

If physically restraining your child is the absolute only way to control their aggressive outbursts, please talk to your child’s pediatrician or behavioral therapist right away. Physical restraint can be stressful and can cause severe physical and emotional harm to you and your child. Positive behavioral tactics should always be the preferred method of controlling an overly aggressive child, so if you need help, please, please ask for it. 

Puberty: a Crazy Time for You and Your Child

I hope reading about the experiences I had with my son has given you some ideas to implement with your kids as they go through the “joys of puberty.” However, please remember that every kid is different, so just because these methods worked for me doesn’t mean they will work for you and your child. So if you have questions about the best way to manage your son or daughter’s sexual and physical aggression, talk to their doctor.

Puberty is a crazy time for both you as a parent and your child as they grow into adulthood. You’re going to have some ups and downs, but with some creativity, patience, and maybe a few bandaids here and there, you’ll get through it, and you might even have fun along the way.

 

What is Stimming in Autism?

Communication skills are an essential part of any child’s development, and this fact doesn’t change when it comes to children with Autism. As the parent of an autistic child, you have the joy of learning the particular way in which they communicate. For this reason, you must understand how they express themselves.

One of those behaviors that you can identify is stimming. 

Stimming in Autism is a self-stimulatory behavior that consists of repetitive or unusual body movements or noises. To help you understand stimming, let’s consider:

• What are the different types of stimming?
• Why do kids with Autism stim?
• What causes stimming?
• What are the benefits of stimming?

What Are The Different Types of Stimming?

Stimming can be expressed through various means that can fall under one of the following categories:

Visual Stimming

Visual stimulations can attract the attention of children with Autism. For example, if you notice they are looking at something sideways, focused on watching an object that’s spinning, or that they flutter their fingers near the eyes, then they can be displaying visual stimming.

Auditory Stimming

Sound and noises can also draw the attention of your child. Examples of auditory stimming include:

• Listening to the same song or noise over and over, such as opening and closing doors or flicking switches
• Repeating the same noise they make, like tapping or clicking their fingers

Tactile Stimming

Stimming displayed as a tactile nature is commonly seen through hand and finger mannerisms, for example, finger-flicking or hand-flapping. It’s vital to keep an eye out for tactile stimming because this type of behavior could potentially cause harm to the person or others. 

If this is the case with your autistic child, you can redirect this behavior with specific tools such as a stress ball or a vibrating sensory cushion.

Verbal Stimming

What is verbal stimming? This term refers to verbal self-stimulatory behavior like repeating certain words, sounds, or noises. Verbal stimming can sometimes be hard to notice since they don’t have an apparent cause.

Stimming Based on Taste And Smell

Another type of stimming is based on the senses of taste and smell. Look out for the following behaviors:

• Licking things
• Chewing objects
• Putting body parts in their mouth
• Sniffing people or animals

Vestibular Stimming

The vestibular system refers to the sensory system that aids in the sense of balance. Vestibular stimming then has to do with repetitive actions that deal with your child’s balance. As a result, you will notice unusual body movements and weird posturing. 

Some examples of vestibular stimming include:

• Spinning
• Rocking back and forth 
• Holding hands or fingers out at an angle
• Arching the back while sitting

Proprioceptive Stimming

Proprioception is the ability we have to control our limbs without having to look at them. Children with Autism typically have this ability reduced, affecting their understanding of where they are and what they’re doing. Proprioceptive stimming behaviors can involve throwing items, pacing, or jumping around.

What Causes Stimming?

Why do kids with Autism stim? The exact cause of stimming isn’t easily determined, but it has been understood to be like a coping mechanism that can help those with Autism to adapt to certain personal difficulties, such as:

• Sensitivity. Your autistic child may be oversensitive or undersensitive. If they’re oversensitive to sensory information, stimming helps focus their attention on the behavior, so they can manage and reduce sensory overload. If they’re undersensitive, stimming can stimulate your child’s senses.
• Unfamiliar environments. A change in their environment can negatively affect a child with Autism causing stimming. Especially if they have difficulty communicating, stimming may be their way of expressing frustration. They may also react to avoid certain activities or expectations.
• Management of emotions. Stimming is one way in which your child reduces anxiety and can calm themselves down. It can also help manage emotions like anger, fear, and excitement by focusing their attention on the stim.
• Attention seeking. In some cases, your child may recognize that their stimming results in special attention. They will see stimming as a means of getting more attention.
• Pain. In rare cases, stimming is your autistic child’s attempt to ease pain or other physical discomforts.

Are you having trouble understanding your child’s stimming? Seeking the services of a behavior specialist or therapist with experience in Autism may shed some light on the specific cause of your child’s stimming behavior.

Are There Any Dangers of Stimming?

When we consider all the different triggers for stimming, it’s clear why there are different views on these behaviors, making it a pretty controversial topic. But the reality is that stimming isn’t necessarily a bad thing since it can help your autistic child cope with different situations they don’t understand. 

However, if your child has developed stimming that leads to self-injury, then you will need to look for ways to reduce such stims. Some of these stims you want to keep an eye out for are:

• Severe hand-biting
• Banging their head
• Scratching their skin
• Pulling their hair
• Extreme picking or nail-biting

As a parent, you must also observe stims that, although they don’t cause harm, can be detrimental to their ability to learn. For instance, rather than helping them focus, stimming can cause them to be distracted from their schoolwork. Stimming can also affect the attention an autistic child gives to the outside world, which affects their ability to develop communication skills with parents and others that surround them.

Tips For Managing Stimming in Autistic Children

If stimming negatively affects your child, here are a couple of tips that can help you manage your child’s stimming.

Identifying The Cause

To begin managing stims, you have to figure out the reason behind them. Since behaviors can be a form of communication, you should evaluate the situations that cause the stimming. 

Some ideas that can help you better identify the cause include:

• Eliminating or reducing what you believe is the stim trigger
• Stick to a routine for daily tasks

Address The Stim Correctly

When you have identified the cause of your child’s stimming, you must learn to react so you can manage the situation appropriately. You can put into practice these tips:

• Reinforce acceptable behaviors and self-control
• Intervening in unsafe behavior
• Avoid punishing the behavior
• Teach an alternate acceptable behavior
• Learn when it’s best not to respond
• Educate other family members on how to act
• Create a safe environment

Other Factors to Consider

In situations where your autistic child has problems communicating, stimming may be the result of physical issues such as:

• Ear infections
• Chronic pain
• Migraines

It’s a good idea for your child to get a medical exam to eliminate the possibility that stimming is one way your child is trying to tell you that something is wrong with them physically.

What Are Autism Stim Toys?

Many self-stimulatory behaviors are also manageable with unique sensory products, which are sometimes referred to as stim toys. Here are some of the best stim toys to improve focus in children with Autism.

Toys To Fiddle With

Some stims are displayed as hand movements, making any toy they can shake or flick ideal for managing these behaviors. Your child may enjoy:

• Fidget spinners. Spinning toys stimulate the visual and tactile systems making their small shapes ideal for taking anywhere.
• Stretchy Strings Noodles. Excellent toys you can tie in knots, squeeze, stretch, wrap around their hands, and bounce off different surfaces.

Toys They Can Chew

Some autistic children find chewing extremely therapeutic, particularly when nervous or excited. Direct this self-stimulatory behavior towards chewable toys and jewelry such as:

• Chewable Cookie Necklace
• Sensory Chewable Bracelet

Toys That Light Up And Make Sounds

Things that light up and make sounds will definitely catch the attention of any child. In the case of children with stims, these types of toys can be a perfect replacement for stimming behaviors. Some stim toys that can have a positive effect on the auditory and visual systems are

• Light up Bubble Guns
• Light Up Magic Ball Toy Wand

Toys They Can Watch

Moving visual stim toys are a great way to stimulate your child’s thoughts and help them use their imaginations. But these types of toys can either have a calming and regulating effect or an alerting and arousing effect, so make sure you evaluate some toys like:

• Liquid Motion Bubbler Timer
• Marble Runs

Join a Community Eager to Help

Parents just want the best for their children, but, unfortunately, raising a child with Autism or other special needs does have its challenges. Our goal at Normal Life, Inc. is to transform the world of Autism resources by giving you first-hand advice from a community of parents eager to help.

The resources made available at Normal Life, Inc. will help you build an environment for your child that’s conducive to a normal life. You will learn to regulate and organize your life with the correct instructions that adapt to your unique situation.

Contact us today to help you give your child the opportunity they deserve to realize their full potential no matter their medical diagnosis.

First of all, let’s start out by saying that even if you do have a form of autism or Asperger’s syndrome, that doesn’t mean that you’re alone. A network of caring individuals are here to help you through this process and professional help is available to get you the most out of your life.

Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) is not a specific diagnosis. It is the general term for a group of disorders that hinder the brain development of a child. These disorders make it difficult for a child to learn, deal with social situations, communicate, and practice normal behavioral patterns.